Scorpios are unpredictable, like Italian food, and typically don’t like macho overtones. I made that up. If it applied to you, it’s the Forer effect. Look it up – it is basically why you are wrong about everything you believe. I have both index and pinky out rocking out right now…. not like a Scorpion’s Hurricane, but I did hear a sister typhoon happened near Tonga recently………
Anyhoo I am rocking out because of how stunning nature’s efficiency is.
I am talking about Scorpions. And I am talking about having been warned that they aren’t a problem and are SUPER DUPER easy to deal with as they are slow. Yeah. That is not accurate information, Mr. President. No, President Obama didn’t warn us, it just sounded like the right thing to say.
Okay… so I am totally not into killing things. At all. Like the beetle that flew into my face and pincered my nose to get up close and personal and said hello and I danced around like a woman on a table who sees a mouse from a mid 60’s sitcom (thanks Douglas Adams) but we weren’t sure about the scorpions. We weren’t told whether they are really poisonous or just a bee sting here, but weren’t waiting for that thing to makes it’s way inside or into one of our shoes. So I shooo shooo this beetle into the lower garden, and then line up to go for the scorpion. We are a couple feet away stupidly taking pictures etc. I have this long pole I am going to use and as soon as I come near it this thing darts for dear wifey….. like … you know those small beach crabs that sort of race around in the bushes and on the beach? That fast…. seriously… that fast…. No. I just looked at the video….
It moved like that Alien host organism from Alien, when it jumps out of the egg or is trying to race across the room to attach to a human… just like that. Fast as scary hell.
Aaaaaaand all good samaritan stuff goes out the window with a scorpion charging my lovely lady. So I go a bit psychotic and kill the thing. What’s funny is that my wife, in adrenalin junky stunned fashion, takes the pole and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the dead thing a la Elisabeth Banks with the metal pole with the zombie in the movie Slither, which if you haven’t seen, is a hilarious creepy crawly alien slug zombie bloody sci-fi horror comedy unlike anything… real great, it has Nathan Fillion… so that’s good. He’s a doll. And the film really is one of the best horror comedies ever…. it’s a real treat.
We caught our antics on video, and I guess when I load ‘er up will put it here. It just shows us freaking out.. doubt the camera is aimed the whole time. Anyhoo….
this morning I wake up because I have noted that the gecko’s here are BADASS and eat EVERYTHING…. even cute moths and fireflies which I have decided I need to talk to them about, but they don’t have a British accent and seem a lot more efficient and job oriented than the TV one…..
So I check for the remnants and nature’s efficiency seems to win again, because literally the sole piece of leftover scorpion is the stinger from the tale, and the entire rest of the thing is gone. It’s amazing. And the sunrise is pretty stunning, and I sort of got decent sleep last night comparably……. but I did have this odd dream where we were supposed to take R Kelly to a radio interview and instead started going to some of the tourist sites in San Francisco and Marin…. which is odd, but he really enjoyed it and I was so pleased he didn’t pee on us.
But I grabbed the stinger… in it’s less than alive and attached to the scorpion state it didn’t sting me. I did see ants carrying off a sizeable appendage and just love that they put everything to good use. Nature is efficient, brutal, and hell when it isn’t scary it’s often cute. Like this, so you don’t end with the heeby jeebies:
[insert cuteness later, really it’s just for show….]
(he’s right you know)